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I was still living at home but trying to save up to buy a place and move out. In hindsight, I wish I’d been more present—but I was pretty busy trying to find myself in the working (adult!) world and probably came and went a little bit like a ship in the night.
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I happened to be travelling at the same time and when they were in Paris they called me from the top of the Eiffel Tower. I answered the call half way along the Great Wall of China. We agreed to never tell Penny about this incredible moment in time since she was at home looking after the dog (sorry Pen!)
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Flight to Dubai, then UK
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“She was feeling pretty good and I had resigned from my job to take a partnership with a new firm, so in the period between jobs, we packed up and headed overseas! It was the trip of a lifetime. It was so much fun. We made sure we had the best of everything we could afford, so as to be both enjoyable and memorable. We went to Dubai, England, Wales, Ireland, France and finished in Singapore. By the end of the trip Mandy was very tired, and we found out shortly after our arrival back to Melbourne that the beastie had returned. By chance we were upgraded to a suite at the Shangri-La on the way home because they’d overbooked the room we had, it would be the last bit of luxury before the grind of chemo began again.
- Philip Herbert (Mandy’s husband)
In early 2009, three years after her initial diagnosis, Mandy’s ovarian cancer returned and she was thrown back into a cycle she’d come to know all too well. At this point it was no wonder she started to refer to ovarian cancer as "the Beastie". The complications really started to set in, making every day a battle.
Ascites , bad. Time to get it drained. CA 125 = 397! The first of nine Taxotere/Carbo infusions next week.
We were so shocked and horrified, but I guess we also had just enough understanding and that niggle in the back of our minds that meant that it wasn’t really surprising, more like a semi-expected shock. Mum didn't let on much, but I suspect she knew all along it was only a matter of time before a relapse.
I don't doubt she was far better prepared than we were. It became apparent then that it was unlikely Mum would ever beat ovarian cancer. Every step of the way you learn that the disease is more and more insidious and so difficult to navigate. As best we could, we moved more to a mentality of trying to live with it. We switched to focus more on making memories—always really celebrating birthdays and each Christmas and making a point of doing things like going to the theatre together. It was that time together that became the biggest silver lining to all of this.
Mouth thrush, mouth ulcers and constant aches—yuk
I came to appreciate Mum’s incredible courage the longer her fight with cancer rolled on. Some of the hardest times were when we’d see the suffering Mum went through from the nasty effects of ovarian cancer. The ones you don’t hear about so often. She’d get bowel obstructions and while I never really understood what caused them I knew that they would creep up and when they did it was always an emergency, an ambulance to hospital, horrible pain and serious meds. Over the years she also had ascites , deafness, fragile bones (first breaking her foot and then a few years later tripping at Dad's surprise 60th birthday and breaking her sternum), mouth thrush and ulcers, hand foot syndrome and toxic bone marrow. Often in the later stages of her cancer, her neutrophils would drop really low because her immune system was getting so smashed, and chemo would be cancelled or put off for a week. A lot of people know how sick cancer makes you but it’s hard to fully comprehend the extent of things, and the impact of treatment, until you experience it.
Broken the 5th Metatarsal in my foot
CA125 = 7 , much better. Groin pain and burning feet though.
A colonoscopy found two small polyps and blood in my bowel, but all okay.
Everything we did with the OCRF gave us hope for the future. We knew that the more we fundraised, the closer we’d get to better treatment options and better outcomes—it was such a direct link in our minds.
Outside of dropping Mum at chemo appointments, and generally ‘being there’ this felt very practical and productive. It allowed us to feel like we were doing something, not just for Mum but for so many other women.
In 2010 Mum met OCRF founder Liz Heliotis at a fundraising ball. From that night on she began using her voice to advocate and raise awareness for ovarian cancer, speaking at events and becoming an OCRF Ambassador—she even had a couple of feature stories in the Women’s Weekly and Herald Sun!
Creating a legacy for Mum became my personal mission, but everyone around us really bought into it and having Mum’s input, ideas and support only made us more resolute to make a difference.
Our first Run Melbourne fundraiser for Team OCRF in 2009 raised $11,000. I remember we had a target of $300. I posted my fundraising page on Facebook, went to bed, and the next morning we’d raised $3,500 for ovarian cancer research. We were blown away. And it gave us so much momentum to keep going.
We’d host dinners to fundraise, pick t-shirt designs and take to the track as “Mands’ Mob”. One year, even Mum’s oncologist Dr. Andrew Haydon joined our team and fundraised heaps. Mum was so proud and thrilled that he was part of it all.
Our biggest year we had 120 people in the team and raised $56,000! And over the years we had seven fundraising dinners with more than 120 people at each. Mum was always at the finish line of races with a huge bucket of lollies, an even bigger smile and a hug for everyone.
The next phase
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